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Kirsty writes regularly here

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Thats a wrap – what I learnt being a Uni student

Cheers (sounds of glasses clinking), why?

I have survived my first year of University as a mature aged student, I have survived my first year of my husband’s roster taking him away for three months at a time, and I have survived the first year of my daughter moving in to her own home and my eldest son moving back!

What a year it has been.

The impact didn’t hit me until this afternoon as I was driving home from campus after my final exam. I began to shallow breath, my nerves began to twitch, and I thought, “how the hell did I pull that off!” This year, I realised, I had faced every fear I had, I worked harder than I think I ever had, I swallowed my pride on more than one occasion, and I had weeks where I was learning so many new theories I thought my brain might break.

My home suffered, however, thankfully my children didn’t as I vowed, and followed through on, to be there for them whenever they needed me. My wellbeing was pushed to its limits and I had equal moments of feeling like super woman and a puddle!

So, you are getting the picture.

During this year, my husband was absent for ¾’s of it, and a handful of my closest friends had life throw them their own curve balls so they weren’t on call for me at times I thought I needed them most. Even so, I was never alone, I had people step up for me, check in on me and remind me that I was on the right track during the uphill stints – special thanks to Tracey, Anna and Cinty – you know why!

Fears that were faced: am I clever enough, judgement of others, making huge mistakes, can I do it all on my own, being too old, letting my family down, letting me down, saying no to some work opportunities, and have I got what it takes to be extraordinary?

What I now know: I am clever enough, I am a leader, I am strong, I may get it wrong sometimes, I can take critique, I’m okay with not knowing it all, my family is awesome, I am exactly where I need to be, I have grit and determination that even amazes me, I may be ageing but I am doing it with grace and style!

Already, from the expansion and development I am undergoing opportunities are flowing abundantly.  I am on committees, being paid for work at the Uni, I am meeting amazing people, business is booming and I am just beginning work with an organisation called Porn Harms Kids to make change and give our wonderful young people the best start possible. I am also so honoured to be credited with guiding others to study, grow and push themselves out of their comfort zone. That is probably my greatest honour.

Next year, I am sure, will bring more adventures, ups and downs, yet I will be even more prepared, even more inspired and, as always, supported.

Thank you, to those who have cheered me on; thank you, to those who were inspired; and thank you to me – bloody massive effort Kirsty 🙂

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The Confidence Rollercoaster!

I was talking to a friend and she said, “How can you be so confident all the time?  You are such a ‘go getter’. I wish I had more confidence and self-belief like you.”

This dialogue got me thinking, and this was my response:

My definition of self-belief, or self-esteem, and confidence are: liking and feeling good about me enough to know that I am doing the best I can; and if I am determined enough, and work hard enough, and I trust my abilities, then the right results in the right order will follow. 

My sense of confidence and esteem does change constantly depending on various factors, including my day to day mood, appearance, ability, others opinions or the situation. So, as you can see, it is not something that you begin to act like and then ‘voilà’ all is well!

I have found that regularly checking in on how I am feeling about myself leads to a direct reflection of how I perform and present myself to the world. If I need to adjust my thinking, eating, or doing, I am on it. I make sure that I am consciously making choices on how I want to be, rather than letting the ups and downs of emotions, events and energy levels take control of my decisions, moods and actions.

The main mistake I witness a lot of people make is relying on others expectations and opinions and daily performance statistics to dictate who they are and how good they are.

All things change, you live and learn, you make mistakes and you have wins. We all have ups and downs, good and bad days. This is no reflection on your worth, rather a testimony to you living life.

The best way to overcome the rollercoaster of self-doubt, highs and lows, and judgement of your abilities is to have a strong sense of self-value and self-respect. Take a pause and when you are feeling less confident and a bit shaky, check in with you, adjust and get back to doing the best you can do.

You will then move into a space of making productive choices rather than staying longer than you need to in less than comfortable situation, entertaining draining emotional turmoil, giving too much time to listening to your inner critical voice, or worse, heeding another person’s views, and entertaining self-sabotage behaviours.

Trust yourself, respect yourself, do the best you can in any given moment, and you will find the confidence and self-belief rollercoaster can become fun rather than terrifying.

Until next time, K 🙂

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Book Review: PUG (Philosophical Universal Guidance)

When Exisle Publishing asked me to review PUG I wondered whether it was a children’s book, a book for Pug owners (the dog breed) or, something else.

What I found was it was something else entirely!

The author (apparently, no ordinary Pug) hopes that through sharing his or her thoughts with the reader, they are inspired to be happier, more optimistic and live a more fulfilling life.  Did I find this to be true as I turned the pages and read on?

Yes, I did!  PUG’s message – translated through the wise words and delightful illustrations of Helen James – opens possibilities for the reader to take positive action in 29 encouraging and insightful short teachings.

This colourful book is perfect for a central location in your home, on the lunchroom table at work or a gift for someone who needs a boost. And, the most wonderful realisation is that this book will be enjoyed by all age groups.

If you are looking for a daily or weekly focus, know you could be doing something different or better and don’t know what that is or you want to benefit from the wisdom of one of the world’s oldest dog breeds, this book is certain to inspire and delight.

Buy Book | More Information – RRP $19.99 – Due for release October 2017 so pre-order your copy now.

 

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FIFO Families – Parenting Tips and Tricks

I recently did a short talk at a FIFO family event in Perth.  The energy in the room was high and children were very excited with all the activities that were happening.  A perfect place to share tips and tricks to support parents.

Being Separated by Work, is a minefield of stress triggers for parents and children. Approaches to keep you and your children as stress-free as possible are outlined in video and handout below.

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How heavy is this glass of water?

I have been on an upward trajectory of achievements and success in the last couple of years.  All my dreams coming true –  going back to study at University, a published book, online membership site, successful business, financial ease, awesome friends and a close family. One would imagine that with all this success all my burdens, stress and worries would get less, or even be non-existant. A huge misperception!

People even often say to me I don’t know how you do it all with Uni, business, family and a husband that works away. They say, you are so strong, and so lucky to have it all! Then they ask me to share with them my secret, or want to know how can I do it all and find peace with some of the horrible things that have happened in my past. They want the magic solution that will change their life in an instant.  I can tell you, that there isn’t a magic solution; unless you call hard work, determination and never giving up in the face of numerous challenges a magic solution.

I usually explain by first assuring them I am neither lucky or completely calm all the time.  I let them know that it is a constant conscious choice to get up, step up, choose the emotional state I want to be in and smile.  And I then share with them one of my favourite parables to illustrate how to honour, recognise, acknowledge, let go of the ‘stuff’ and keep achieving; even in the face of adversity.

Imagine I am holding a glass of water and I ask you – “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter.  It all depends on how long I hold it.  If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light.  If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little.  If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor.  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.

Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water.  Think about them for a while and nothing happens.  Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little.  Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralysed – incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.

My message to you today:  It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries.  No matter what happens during the day. As early in the evening as you can put all your burdens down.  Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you.  If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down.

And that is exactly the way I live my live and teach others to do the same. Work hard, be clear and focused on what you want, don’t get caught up in others dramas, don’t get caught up in your own regrets or what if’s, and always remember that the longer you hold on to the glass the heavier it gets until you are paralysed. Just for today – put it down and let it go – or ask someone to help you ease the burden.

Kirsty 🙂

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Troll Travels – Who Am I?

This is a fun exercise that supports you finding out who you are, why it matters and why you think, feel and act the way you do.  Why is it important to pinpoint your top qualities and define you?  Answering the question, ‘Who Am I’ will enable you to become a better communicator, increase your confidence and help to create clearer goals that are more meaningful to you in the future.

A few years ago I heard about Trevor the Troll, he is a self-improvement junkie who is very skilled at helping you define who you are.

There are a few steps to take to get you over three bridges and to the end, and Trevor the Troll will be there at each bridge demanding you hand over some of what you think makes you YOU; until you only have some of your qualities left!  I wonder which ones will be left? Let’s begin and find out…


 

First ask yourself “Who am I?”. And now write down everything that makes you YOU below. Remember not all of these qualities will be ‘good’.  Write as many as you possibly can, maybe you could fill a whole page! (HINT: Which makes some easier to get rid of)

 


 

I want you to imagine you’re about to cross Bridge Number 1. But to cross and not be eaten – Trevor the Troll demands you hand over 30 percent of who you are to him!

What are the qualities you will give away first? Return to your list of qualities now, and when you’ve crossed out 30 percent of your most expendable qualities you can move on…


 

So, now imagine you’re approaching Bridge Number 2. And again, to cross and not be eaten, Trevor the Troll demands you hand over 30 percent of who you are to him.

What are the qualities you will give away next? When you’ve crossed out another 30 percent of your qualities you can move on to the 3rd bridge…

 


 

So, you’re about to cross Bridge Number 3 and it’s time for the final visit to your list of qualities. What final 30 percent of your qualities will you give away? Think hard because the 10 percent you are left with is all you will have for the rest of your journey. What really matters to you? What is the essence of you that you MUST KEEP?

And when you’ve crossed out the final 30% of your qualities you can freely move forward…?


 

Reflection Exercise

Time to wrap up your travels by looking at what is left on your list of qualities.

  • What do you value MOST about yourself – your top 10 percent?
  • What do you notice as you review your most valued qualities?
  • Now consider the qualities you got rid of FIRST. What percent of your time do you spend on these? ……… %
  • What about the qualities you’re left with? What percent of time do you spend on these? ……… %
  •  Where do you place your focus in life? Why do you think that is?
  • Where do you place to place your focus and energy from now on?  How will you do things differently so you can?
  • What else have you learned about yourself from this exercise?

To be aware and in alignment with who you are will always produce more satisfying results.  You will have more, do more and be more of what is important to you; and inspire others with your confident go-getter energy.  Knowing who you and why it matters will allow you to move from the day to day drain to a place of flow and opportunity. Who doesn’t want a bit more of that? Thanks Trevor the Troll 😉

Kirsty 🙂

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Be Conscious of Your Spending – Is This Bringing Value to Your Life?

The more we have, the more we spend. It is human nature. I know that in this household we stopped being so aware of the cost of groceries, and whether we had gone over budget or not when our income increased a few years ago. I didn’t hesitate as much as I previously would have when the children wanted money for outings, takeaway or other consumables.

What ended up happening was all potential saving capacity, all that potential to create meaningful wealth, decreased because we got used to spending the higher income and create debts to match. We weren’t any happier surrounded by all the stuff.

Once I realised this, I re-evaluated how we were spending and now practise a certain mindset around money. I ask myself, is what I am spending money on an investment or adding value to my life? If the answer is yes, I do it; if no, I ask myself, do I really want it? Is what I am going to spend money on going to make me money or add value to my life? This is called conscious, or intentional spending.

Conscious spending means we think about and choose what we are going to spend our money on. We analyse where we are currently spending our money and make goal-orientated changes and budget-based decisions.

Whether it is for going out, saving, investing, bills, looking after our health and fitness, holidays, schooling, rent, or mortgage—it is about having a plan that takes us towards our goals instead of feeling limited, restricted, and wasteful.

My husband and I both have various academic achievements, are members of industry-regulated bodies, and I am a keen business networker. We have supported each other in making these types of educational choices as it has proven to be an investment that pays good dividends back into our income increasing capacities.

Some like to invest in education, or antique furniture, or designer clothes, or travel, or property, or into their family and community, and some in wellbeing. As long as it is meaningful enough that when money is paid out there is a feeling of satisfaction and possible future growth and value—then it is conscious spending.

Seven helpful questions to ask when the household income increases –

  1. Have we shopped around for the best price? (Just because we have money, we can still buy the bargains).
  2. Are the needs of the household and each family member taken care of before the wants?
  3. Are we creating memories or debts?
  4. Are we consciously spending in line with our budget?
  5. Have we got the right advice, the right insurances, and the right bank accounts?
  6. Are we investing in ourselves through education or health?
  7. How can we support our community or a meaningful charity organisation? People who do this often say that doing something for others seems to bring good stuff back to them and a sense of fulfilment.

I am very mindful and intentional of what I spend, make room in our budget to support our community, and love a good bargain. Recently I bought a small coffee machine that was on special. I worked out that I gained back the cost of the machine within a month because I was not buying a takeaway coffee every morning.

I am not saying to steer clear of indulging in and enjoying occasional treats, that big holiday or buying those gorgeous shoes. I am suggesting being mindful and goal-orientated of how money is being spent. Enjoy the longer-term reward for your hard work and effort; and be thankful, purposeful, and masterful around your finances.

Top Tip – Ask the question before each purchase, “Is this bringing value into my life?”

How can you be more conscious and intentional with your spending this year?

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Three Minutes that Changed My Life!

A couple of years ago I had one of those game changer (or light bulb) moments. Life was challenging, exhausting, disappointing and frustrating!

A friend came across a You Tube link and emailed it to me with the message, ‘Don’t know why, but you came into my mind when I was watching this and wanted to share it with you.’ She is a very close friend and I trust her hunches without hesitation, so I watched it that day. It was a moment where everything just fell into place, it all made sense. I felt like I was just filled back up again and no longer running on empty.

The epiphany came from the question asked in the video, “Is your cup full?” The You Tube video featured IyanlaVanzant, who is a best-selling author and a regular on Oprah TV. She spoke about putting yourself first and being strong in life. She said that doing this is not selfish it is self-full.

Iyanla said, “It’s self-full to be first, to be as good as possible to you. To take care of you, keep you whole and healthy. That doesn’t mean you disregard everything and everyone. But you want to come with your cup full. You know: My cup runneth over. What comes out of the cup is for y’all. What’s in the cup is mine. But I’ve got to keep my cup full.”

From that moment I am always aware of how full my cup is – and filling it when needed.  How full is your cup?  What can you do today to replenish it?

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A Time To Relax – Program Launch

This month I am launching my first online Mindful Madhouse 4 week program.  It has been a big learning experience (helped by a team of very supportive people) to get my knowledge, expertise and experience into this format.  I am so proud of the result and grateful for the feedback coming in.  So, watch as I tell you a bit more about A Time To Relax 🙂

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Over being overwhelmed in January?

As you enter the shops and see the isles filled with exercise books, pens and pencils; pass the shoe stores and notice that black and white shoes have taken over much of the floor space – you realise that back to school is fast approaching.

Apart from the cost of purchasing school supplies, there is a sudden realisation that madness is fast approaching – before, during and after school activities, homework expectations, uniforms to be constantly cleaned and pressed, and making sure there is enough food to prepare and pack!

My eldest is 21 years old and my youngest is 9.  I have had many years of getting it wrong, getting it right, and most years it is a bit of both!  Here I share my top 18 tips to support you being better prepared and be more productive this upcoming year.

  1. Plan and prepare to avoid chaos. This includes weekly schedules, lists and weekly meal and shopping plan. Create a flexible routine that works for your family – from waking to bedtime.
  2. Have a central calendar in the house that all family members have access to with events written on it that are coming up.
  3. At least a couple of times a week make double the evening meal and freeze half for those nights when you run out of the time or enthusiasm to cook.
  4. Make time to bake each week.
  5. Make lunches and get uniforms ready the night before. We all think we will get it done in the morning, but sometimes it is just such a rush and adds so much pressure when trying to get you and your children ready and out the door!
  6. Have bags packed and checked ready to go the night before (including the hat).
  7. I think it’s never too early to give children some responsibility –tasks that you know they can complete for their age and abilities.
  8. Give children checklists – good for parents too!
  9. It is the perfect time to have conversations with your children when driving around with your kids in the car. They can’t get out or walk away!
  10. Take weekly time out for you to de-stress and reward yourself.
  11. Get proper sleep so you have the energy each day needs and avoid getting run down and common illnesses.
  12. Eat well to feel good and keep up. Feed your kids well to keep them healthy and calm.
  13. Remember to breathe – sometimes we just need to stop, take a couple of deep breathes and then proceed.
  14. Keep at least one day free on a weekend to relax and have fun with your family.
  15. Be kind to yourself.
  16. Ask for help when you need it!
  17. 30, 30, 30 and 30 every day! 30 minutes for quiet time for you, 30 minutes listening to your children with enthusiastic interest, 30 minutes for your partner and 30 minutes making sure you have cleared your day and are prepared for tomorrow.
  18. Get up each morning with a grateful affirmative attitude and a desire to meet all challenges with a smile.

As parents, we are constantly creating, re-inventing and re-shaping whilst keeping up with all the demands and challenges of each day. Creating routines and being organised will keep everyone on the same page and help you make sure you go to bed each night feeling a sense of peace and achievement – well most days!

What can you do differently this year to make your school and work weeks run smoothly?

Kirsty 🙂

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