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Kirsty writes regularly here

Posts Tagged personal development

The Confidence Rollercoaster!

I was talking to a friend and she said, “How can you be so confident all the time?  You are such a ‘go getter’. I wish I had more confidence and self-belief like you.”

This dialogue got me thinking, and this was my response:

My definition of self-belief, or self-esteem, and confidence are: liking and feeling good about me enough to know that I am doing the best I can; and if I am determined enough, and work hard enough, and I trust my abilities, then the right results in the right order will follow. 

My sense of confidence and esteem does change constantly depending on various factors, including my day to day mood, appearance, ability, others opinions or the situation. So, as you can see, it is not something that you begin to act like and then ‘voilà’ all is well!

I have found that regularly checking in on how I am feeling about myself leads to a direct reflection of how I perform and present myself to the world. If I need to adjust my thinking, eating, or doing, I am on it. I make sure that I am consciously making choices on how I want to be, rather than letting the ups and downs of emotions, events and energy levels take control of my decisions, moods and actions.

The main mistake I witness a lot of people make is relying on others expectations and opinions and daily performance statistics to dictate who they are and how good they are.

All things change, you live and learn, you make mistakes and you have wins. We all have ups and downs, good and bad days. This is no reflection on your worth, rather a testimony to you living life.

The best way to overcome the rollercoaster of self-doubt, highs and lows, and judgement of your abilities is to have a strong sense of self-value and self-respect. Take a pause and when you are feeling less confident and a bit shaky, check in with you, adjust and get back to doing the best you can do.

You will then move into a space of making productive choices rather than staying longer than you need to in less than comfortable situation, entertaining draining emotional turmoil, giving too much time to listening to your inner critical voice, or worse, heeding another person’s views, and entertaining self-sabotage behaviours.

Trust yourself, respect yourself, do the best you can in any given moment, and you will find the confidence and self-belief rollercoaster can become fun rather than terrifying.

Until next time, K 🙂

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Developing self confidence and an I can do attitude in your child

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A lot of parents have concerns about their children’s self confidence and their children’s ability to not give up if something is proving a little difficult.

I often have parents come to me asking questions like:

  • “How can I get my child to stop saying they can’t do it without even trying?”
  • “My child has such a low opinion of themselves, what can I do?”
  • “How can I help my child be more outgoing and happier?”

All these questions lead to the parent’s concern that the child is showing a lack of self-confidence. The parent usually feels this isn’t right and isn’t going to be beneficial for their child in the future.

We have a saying in our house, “O’Callaghans never give up”. It arose from Joseph, our youngest child, going through a stage of saying, “I give up.” He was about four and must have picked it up from day care or his older siblings as I’m sure I never said it—well, fairly certain anyway.

Joseph would be building blocks, carefully placing one on top of the other, and then a large crash would be heard. I would enter the room to see him standing defiantly looking at the pile of blocks, angry face on, and he would be repeating, “I give up, I just give up, I give up.”

The possible enormity of the situation hit me—that if I don’t come up with something soon to change his attitude, it would turn into a life limiting habit. I wanted my son to be mentally and emotionally strong. I wanted my son’s cup to be full, not half-full, not half empty, FULL.

We started saying, over and over again, “Try again because O’Callaghans never give up.” This mantra has grown to include all of us now, and we have developed a very strong culture in our home of never giving up, thanks to those damn blocks.

I believe that self-esteem is the value one puts on them, and confidence is a self-belief that they can do it.
So one is how you feel about you, and the other is that you have practised and know you can do it. Therefore confidence is gained by doing and self-esteem is gained by knowing (or being encouraged) that you are valuable and capable. One cannot go without the other.

Children come into this world full of worth and asking for what they want. As parents it is our role to keep this sense of self worth healthy. Below I have outlined some suggestions of how we, as parents, can direct this in-built determination and persistence in tact, guiding it around appropriate boundaries and safety rules as our children grow. This then will allow your child to believe that they are capable of achieving many things as long as they show determination, practise and commitment – because they are worth it and super clever in their own way.

Modelling is the primary way to teach children good habits. They watch their parents and listen to them constantly, often when the parents are unaware. They watch and listen for verbal and non-verbal reactions to everything everyday. Children feel when situations are happy, sad, threatening, stressful and joyous. The child picks up on all the actions and reactions, even non-actions, to all situations by their parents and learns how it should be done and begins to develop certain belief systems.

Begin now and for the next week observing and listening to how you and your family:

  • Show your confidence,
  • Show your self-worth, and
  • The behaviours and reactions day to day you are showing (teaching) your children.

It is important to remember this is not for you, or anyone else, to negatively judge these behaviours or put another layer of parenting guilt on yourself.

It is for you to become the best parent possible, which is the parent your child needs – which is what most parents ultimately want. You get so many things right by practising what doesn’t work first.

I really resonate with the saying, “making mistakes is proof you are trying.”
You can then move on to supporting an affirmative belief system for your child. This is telling them often:

  • You love them
  • How important they are just the way they are
  • They matter and that their presence in your world and the world of others makes a difference
  • You have caught them out more times being great, and not less than expected, and
  • Each day how grateful you are for them and congratulating your child for big and little milestones reached or achievements.

I like to also make sure that there is a habit of paying it forward to others. My children hear me, and are encouraged to, praise others or speak of them in a positive and supportive way. It really does come back to the saying, “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing.”

Next is putting it all into practise with an I Can Do It attitude.

I Cant’s just need proof that this is not true. How do you get this proof? Just do it – with guidance, encouragement, a bit of patience and support, then repeat, and repeat again. Let your child do as much as age appropriately possible:

  • Packing up toys
  • Helping in the kitchen
  • Packing bags
  • Making beds
  • Getting dressed
  • Creating, making, playing, building blocks, dressing dolls, writing
  • Cleaning teeth, brushing hair, tying shoelaces

There are many things they can do things even though it may be quicker for you to do it. However, if you can be patient and encouraging, the smiles, celebrations and hugs are so worth it when they get it. Praise each time they get it right, redirect and start again with enthusiasm each time they make a mistake. Mistakes don’t call for punishment; they are the opportunities for improvement and building a determined attitude – the attitude of winners.

On a final note – It is not being able to do everything right or perfect; it is doing our best and doing what brings joy and laughter to our hearts that insights greatness. Listen to your child with your ears, eyes and heart, just as they do to you. Find what brings light to their eyes and excitement to their voices – then practise, practise and praise, and repeat.

Kirsty 🙂

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Is 2015 Your Year?

Is this a year that you are going to be Bigger, Better, Stronger, Happier and have the Best Results?

Almost everyone I have spoken to in the last couple of months has said, “this is my year I can feel it”. Do you feel it? Are you inspired and motivated? Do you have a wonderful idea that you are going to create or improve your life with? Is everything going to go better than ever before for you this year?

I must admit, I was one of those people, and still am. However, you know when you think you have it all squared away, you have ticked all the boxes, you even know in a deep place within you that the truth is that this is your year; then BAM, you are hit with hurdles, distractions, holdups and unexpected situations? Well that has been me, and going on my increased client load, quite a few other people as well. So what to do? Give up? Change? Stay the same? Blame something or someone? Feel defeated? I would like to share with you my top tips to stay on track and achieve your best results this year.

  • Have a clear, detailed and specific vision and statement of what Bigger, Better, Stronger, Happier and having the Best Results is for you.
  • Have a flexible plan, steps and strategies to achieve this.
  • Have a list of what you need to stop, change, minimize, do more of and start to achieve.
  • Stretch yourself to do new things, remembering not to overextend.
  • Be organised in a way that works for you.
  • Be accountable, engage someone you trust to support you and encourage you.
  • When the going gets tough, keep going.
  • Keep in mind anything you emotionalise you cannot manage.
  • Make your improvement, physically, mentally and emotionally, a priority.
  • Keep a balance personally and professionally.
  • Realise that challenges are there to strengthen you, not beat you.
  • Show up in your life every day with the intention to be the best version of yourself.
  • Never blame, complain or critisice. It is a waste of valuable energy. Become honest with your feelings, honour them, and then become resourceful enough to find solutions that work for you.
  • Be mindful, in every moment, of what your focus and actions are aligning with. Is it on the path of your vision, or is it taking you away from that?
  • Remember, you have come this far and you are more than capable of going further. Onwards and Upwards is one of my favourite mantras!
  • Every day take time out to exercise, meditate, relax and check in with your needs. When they are met you are ready for anything.
  • Every day take time out to be grateful, recognise what didn’t work and what your priorities are for the next day.
  • Most importantly… laugh often and love a lot.

All these have worked for me, and many of my clients. I am enjoying a level of success that just keeps expanding and growing, and this year is planned to be another reinvention and bigger and better than ever. I still have struggles, setbacks, distractions and unexpected situations, that often leave me spinning or overwhelmed, however I have learnt to give it a chosen length of time (5 mins, 1 day or 1 hour depending on the situation), then I get up and remind myself of my vision and ask myself what is the best use of my time right now; and get on with it! I trust what feels right (uplifts me) and what doesn’t (what drains me) and let that guide me.

Have the most amazing 2015. May you enjoy every reward and every lesson.

Kirsty 🙂

 

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Having a Great Support Network Will Promote a Longer, Happier & Healthier Life.

Fostering close friendships is crucial to increasing longevity and maintaining your health. By creating a social “safety net,” you can protect yourself from depression, anxiety and physical ailments.

During times of high stress, self-care, friendships and support networks have a tendency to fade into the background, while work and family expectations and obligations take centre stage. This is a mistake and in fact, counterproductive to maintaining your physical, mental and emotional well-being! Recent studies have suggested that

  • 22% of people that have a good support network live longer happier lives
  • the happiest people socialise about seven hours a day,
  • you’re three times more likely to be happy if you are married,
  • each new friend will boost your happiness about 10 percent.

So is there a magic formula to developing those quality relationships personally & professionally that power you forward, that satisfy you, nurture you, allow you to feel safe to express yourself, and get you results?

I don’t know if it is a magic formula, and nothing worthwhile is gained without effort and practise, however with my years of experience in the relationship building industry and after overcoming many personal hurdles I have come up with a method, that I will share with you that will allow you to be on your way to being a more interesting and interested partner, friend, colleague, parent and person. You will be able to gain support, acceptance, approval and co-operation.

I run a very successful business, which thrives because of my belief in me and the service I provide, my ability to communicate my message and build successful business alliances. It wasn’t always like that though. It seems to have been a lifelong search on how to be heard and feel confident enough in my vision and myself to speak up.

My process is a 9 step process that is bundled up in 3 steps – my M.A.G. method©. Not N.A.G, because that is not helpful in excellent relationships, rather MAG for magnificent!

M – Mindfulness & Confidence – Know yourself, your message and your ‘audience’

A – Approach & Attitude – Believe in yourself, your message and your ‘audience’

G – Growth & Follow through – Being Your Best! – Master yourself, your plan and your relationships.

“To Know, To Believe, To Master = Success”

You can find out more about this at any of my workshops or speaking events when I speak on the topic of Relationships.

What is your highest dream for your relationship/s? What could it look like if you were a master of the art of relationships?

The greatest gift in a relationship is the ability to listen with your eyes, ears and heart. People want to tell their ‘story’. There is a marked decrease in today’s society in this area. There is also a marked increase in the breakdown of relationships in our society. When we listen with our ears we hear what is said, when we listen with our eyes we hear what their body gestures are telling us, when we listen with our heart accept the others point of view and how they feel about it. We become interested and interesting. We draw people to us as there is nothing better than someone that allows you to feel valued and important.

Kirsty 🙂

 

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Balance: The Energy & Enthusiasm to Keep Stepping Up

Long work hours and highly stressful jobs not only hamper employees’ ability to harmonise work and family life but also are associated with health risks. Work life conflict has been associated with numerous physical and mental health implications and having negative implications on family life.

According to a 2007 study by Duxbury and Higgins, women are more likely than men to report high levels of role overload and caregiver strain. This is because women devote more hours per week than men on average, to non-work activities such as childcare, elderly care and are more likely to have primary responsibility for unpaid labour such as house work. Although women report higher levels of work-family conflict than do men, the numbers of work-life conflict reported by men is increasing.

Work/Life Balance is meeting everyone’s needs and wants, including your own, in a realistic way, while staying in alignment with what is most important to you. It is an intentional state of harmony, satisfaction and wholeness that exists within these life areas (categories) in a person’s life: Family, Partner, Work, Financial, Social, Health/self-care, Personal & Professional Development, Me Time, Volunteer/helping others, and Spiritual.

When I say that work-life balance is “an intentional state of harmony,” I mean that it does not happen naturally, or by default. If it did, we wouldn’t have millions of stressed-out people in this world. Pursuing work-life balance is important so that you can enjoy the peace and harmony that comes from living a balanced life, from focusing your time and energies on the things that are most important to you and not just the things that yell the loudest for your attention. When we re-orient our lives toward achieving balance and satisfaction, we enjoy more peace and less stress.

Are you satisfied with where you’re at in life right now? Do you feel like you’re giving the attention you want to give to the life areas that are most important to you?

The most valuable question you can ask –

Whilst reflecting, without judgement, ask yourself “did I do my best today and what can I do better tomorrow?” This is the true path of excellence.

I find that I achieve the most balance (and harmony) in my life when I do and reflect on these things:

  1. Make a conscious decision to prioritise your personal values and commitments (goals) within each life area (Family, Partner, Work, Financial, Social, Health/self-care, Personal & Professional Development, Me Time, Volunteer/helping others, and Spiritual).
  2. Define what is Important to You. You need to become an expert in your life by clarifying your actions and activities. This is not as difficult or complicated as it seems.
  3. Creating “Me Time”. Once you have started to create more space by letting go of activities or people that no longer serve you, it is time to start creating “me time”. Start with as little as 10 minutes or start with an hour. You can increase or decrease with what is comfortable for you.
  4. Set Your Boundaries. Once you have defined what is important to you and you are comfortable with what you have, it is time to move forward by setting some boundaries. Boundaries are imaginary lines that allow you to have control over your life and stop other’s actions and behaviours from interfering in your life.
  5. Have a list. I am a compulsive list maker. I have an overall to do list, a daily to do list, a grocery list, a who to ring list, a who to email list, a to do for work list, a to do for home and family list, list for gifts, to do lists for other members of the family, and the list goes on! Making lists provides you with the opportunity to ask one of my favourite questions at numerous times during the day; “What is the best use of my time right now?” When I have asked myself this question, it is an opportunity to look at my list and see what I could be doing in the time I have right now and the energy I have available to me. Once you have put a list together, prioritise tasks.
  6. Have a weekly plan which creates a flexible routine. When was the last time you sat down and wrote down everything you do in a week on a regular basis? Including school drop offs, work commitments, home chores, groceries, you time and the many other demands on your time.
  7. Identify sources of stress. Identifying the things that leave you feeling stressed out unnecessarily is the first step toward eliminating them.
  8. Eliminate unnecessary commitments. We all wear many different hats and have commitments in a variety of areas. But when you spread yourself too thin because you have taken on too many commitments, feeling stressed is the inevitable result.
  9. Create a great foundation for balance by beginning with eating for excellence. Food has a direct influence on your ability to cope with challenges. Good nutrition has both a calming and an energizing effect. Mental clarity and cognitive function are also nutrition related.

A.I.M. For Balance©

A = attitude; do you have an attitude of gratitude, are you hopeful, do you adopt a never give up and determined focus?

I= inspired energy; who are you around regularly, do they sustain or drain your energy, do you drink enough water, do you eat high energy foods and do you get enough rest and relaxation?

M= meaningful order; what are your key life result areas, what are you passionate about, what desires do you have, what routines, lists, time management techniques and plans will then work for you and your unique family?

Balance is the opposite of feeling overwhelmed and negatively stressed. It is feeling purposeful, being in the now, doing your best and following what you truly desire, maintaining a connection to what is important to you and knowing you can overcome obstacles placed in your way.

Kirsty 🙂

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Being Patient Isn’t That Easy

I am facing many changes and re-inventions at the moment.  Personally and professionally there are many things begun, beginning and ending.  I feel slap bang in the middle of a hurry up and wait game.  Have you ever felt this way, or are you feeling this way right now?

Mind you, during this time I must admit that I am learning heaps about myself, trying new things and habits and have time to sit and contemplate better and bigger ways of doing things.  For someone like me though it can be a frustrating time where the self-discipline muscles are taking a beating.

I often tell people that this is the time you can ‘clean out your basement’ (not literally, more about clearing out those things mentally, emotionally, physically and materialistically that no longer serve you or you don’t really need anymore).  I also tell them to fall in love with the process of life, everything, I believe, has a meaning and purpose, so look for that meaning, find that lesson, and if all else fails don’t waste the moments of this time as you will never get them back.  Wise words you might say; however when you are in the thick of it the sentiment seems to be lost a bit!

So here I am playing the hurry up and wait game.  Waiting to see if my son will become the man I know he is capable of, waiting to see the results of all the preparations in my business to reinvent itself to the next level, allowing my body to heal in its time after a lot of stress to be back to 120%, waiting for my husband to get home so we can get to that home to do list, waiting for the ‘opportunities’ to present themselves, waiting for the inspired moment when we decide where our next big holiday adventure will be, waiting for conversations around upgrading my computer/technology, waiting for the next big thing!  The only surety right now is that my daughter is doing so well, my little one is the happiest most resilient being on the planet, love my husband to the moon and back and I have loads of opportunity for my own personal and spiritual development.

I must admit, I think I am a bit of an adrenaline junky.  Not in the bungy jump type way, in the way that I work best under pressure, I perform best when my schedule is full to overflowing, and I love unravelling a good problem.  I must also admit that is probably why I ended up with adrenal fatigue and felt like I was chasing my tail often.

So today I am going to be patient.  Make every moment, no matter what my schedule says or doesn’t say, meaningful and enjoyable.  I am going to allow myself the freedom to breathe and not need for a thing.  I am going to give myself permission to rest if I need it and most importantly I will allow myself to know I am not defined by how I spend my minutes, my achievements or my bank balance, but how open I am to just being.  Being me.  Being happy, healthy and grateful.

I am really finding I can no longer distract myself from me in my busyness.  I am finding out now that I am a truly complex person, with many stories to tell, and have discovered some really likable things.  I have found a strength in me that is not just from having to survive, it is from loving to thrive.  And the journey goes on….

So if you are stuck, feeling impatient, worried, concerned, at a loss, don’t know what to do next; start a conversation with yourself about you, about who you are, how to spend your moments, what do you really want.  Are you prepared to surrender it all and trust the process that knows exactly what you need and when.  Are you prepared to do all those things you have been meaning to, including resting and looking after you. Are you ready to look within more, instead of without? Did you know that if you change just a couple of habits a day, like the time you wake up, the time you eat, the things you read, the morning or night routine, the way you think; you will create a space that will heighten your awareness to more opportunities and peace than you could possibly imagine.  If you are feeling impatient, maybe this is the perfect time to create spaciousness so you can finally expand your experience?

Some tips for when you feel impatient:-

  • Take deep, slow breaths, and count to 10. Doing this helps slow your heart rate, relaxes your body, and distances you emotionally from the situation.
  • Impatience can cause you to tense your muscles involuntarily. So, consciously focus on relaxing your body. Again, take slow, deep breaths. Relax your muscles, from your toes up to the top of your head.
  • Use the ‘pause’ method.  You have stimulus (the situation or trigger of your impatience), then you find freedom and choice in the PAUSE, then comes the response.  I find this hugely effective.
  • Force yourself to slow down. Make yourself speak and move more slowly. It will appear to others as if you’re calm – and, by “acting” patient, you can often “feel” more patient.
  • Practice active listening   and empathic listening. Make sure you give other people your full attention, and patiently plan your response to what they say.
  • Remind yourself that your impatience rarely gets others or things to move faster. All you’re doing is creating more stress, which is completely unproductive.
  • If your impatience causes you to react in anger toward others, first ask yourself what am I so afraid of (your answer to this will be quite insightful) and then use anger management techniques to calm down.

Remember patience is a skill.  Practice, question, improve, practice, question, improve… for it to become a habit. Becoming more patient won’t happen overnight, but it will happen, and you will find your world a much better place when it does. Kirsty 🙂

 

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Cruising the South Pacific

IMG_1639My family and I have just got back from a glorious holiday cruising the South Pacific.  We went with my closest friend of 25 years, Gail, and her boys.

It was such an amazing time, and I had the intention of enjoying myself to the fullest and making the most of time away from the day to day responsibilities and expectations.

What I wanted to share with you was what I got most out of my holiday, the moments of ahha!

  • Friendship without judgment and those friends that join you in letting your hair down and being there in the moment with you are GOLD
  • Never let the day to day grind let you forget why you love your partner
  • It is so good to have a break from technology and all its alerts
  • There are people out there who are happier and have less – there’s a thought
  • Most people are lovely and have valuable things to share, just stop and chat to strangers once in a while
  • The teenage mind on a cruise ship in the middle of no-where is an interesting thing
  • The resilience of children never ceases to amaze me
  • When your 6 year old is performing on a huge stage and he sees you in the crowd and his face lights up it is a moment like no other
  • I love my every need being anticipated and taken care of
  • Make more time to be entertained by live shows
  • Dance till your feet, knees and calf muscles hurt more often
  • Take more photos next time
  • If you want to have fun you will
  • Really revel in what is right, and let the wrongs take care of themselves
  • There are always consequences, like eating, drinking and being merry has given me a few kilos of memories
  • You can stop worrying for a week and it is all there when you get back

I make sure my family has a big holiday every year and during that holiday it is at a destination to get us all seeing and experiencing something new and different.  The value in this is amazing for us all.  The world is full of moments just waiting for your expansion.

Have a wonderful week, and get planning your next getaway.

Kirsty 🙂

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THE 6 P’s TO OVERCOME PROCRASTINATION

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=_mFuZncR734

If you’ve found yourself putting off important tasks over and over again, you’re not alone. Most people procrastinate to some degree.  Is procrastination stopping you fulfilling your potential and unsettling your life?

You procrastinate when you put off things that you could be, or know you should be, focusing on right now, usually in favour of doing something that is more enjoyable or that you’re more comfortable doing.

Putting off an unimportant task isn’t necessarily procrastination; it may just be good prioritization! If you have a good reason for rescheduling something important, then you’re not necessarily procrastinating. However, if you’re just “making an excuse” because you really just don’t want to do it, then you are.

The key to taking back control is to recognize when you start procrastinating, understand why it happens and take active steps to manage your time and outcomes better. To have a good chance of conquering procrastination, you need to be aware straight away that you’re doing it. Then you can identify why you’re procrastinating and take appropriate steps to overcome the block.

Here are my 6 P’s for creating a new habit of action rather than non-action or avoidance:-

  1. PAY OFF – Establish and brainstorm what are the great things      that you will get once this is done.       WHY is it important to you?
  2. PEOPLE TO TELL AND PROMISE – Name your task and put a deadline      on it, then tell someone or a group of people and promise to have it      finished and ask for their support.       This creates an atmosphere of accountability and is a psychological      incentive for you to complete what you have been putting off.
  3. PREPARE AND HAVE A PROCESS – Prepare all that you need to get      this task done and have a list, diary and a process.  Are you going to do it all, in what      order, or are you going to break it down into smaller tasks?
  4. PAY ATTENTION – Be completely present with this task, no      breaks, no interruptions, and no distractions.
  5. PRACTISE – just keep following this guide on all tasks you      feel overwhelmed by or struggle to complete.  You don’t have to get it perfect,      practise will allow you to just do it and create a new habit of work/task      completion.
  6. PRAISE & CELEBRATE – Give yourself a big pat on the back      and reward each time you achieve your goal.  This will encourage you to keep going      forward.

One of my most favourite action steps is to aim to “eat an elephant beetle” first thing, every day; which means conquering your hardest, least desirable task first thing in the morning so you don’t have to carry the load in your mind around with you all day.

Get started today and kick procrastination to the kerb! Kirsty 🙂

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In the Pursuit of Happiness & Health have we forgotten the most important Relationship?

Emerging research suggests a strong peer network in the workplace and having close and supportive relationships personally and intimately helps individuals live longer and can increase happiness and health by 80%.

Researchers from Flinders University, found that people with the highest number of close friends outlived those with the least friends by 22 % – on average, living to the age of 79, compared to 65.

Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) data on death rates shows people living in intimate relationships (including those in married and de facto relationships); – both men and women – have lower death rates than single people in almost all age groups. A 2009 study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends’ women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to lead joyful lives.

I am seeing more and more clients suffering from stress, emotional issues, and physical illness and overwhelm than ever before.  The surprising link I am finding is the increase in the breakdown in having close and trusted relationships in our society today from home to workplace is a huge contributing factor. Most people who are finding difficulty creating healthy relationships with others admit to not knowing or even liking themselves and continuously put themselves in a position of being put down and criticized, which is having a dramatic impact on their health, happiness and success.

Having a hand to hold as you go through life makes the difficulties we all experience easier to deal with. When things go awry, knowing that your friends, partners, family members and co-workers have your back allows you to go through whatever you have to and come out the other side a more positive person.

Recent studies are showing that there is a link between the increase in depression, social isolation, stress and hostility in our society and the breakdown of supportive relationships.

The road has been bumpy and long to get to the point of this social and relationship crisis, and with more people reaching out and searching for answers I have been driven for over a decade to create awareness and educate people to be able to create excellent relationships that support them to excel personally and professionally.

The system and process I have created and teach to others incorporates wisdom from my own experiences and the Blue Zones by writer and explorer Dan Buettner, who has spent his life traveling the world in search of answers. Buettner argues that relationships are really the key to lifelong happiness, noting that “the happiest people socialize about seven hours a day,” and that “you’re three times more likely to be happy if you are married … and each new friend will boost your happiness about 10 percent.” He also states how important good relationships can be in the workplace, adding that “the biggest determinant of whether or not you’ll like your job is if you have a best friend there, more so than how much you’re paid.”

It has been said that you are the average of the 5 people you are around the most.  Your results will reflect this average from career, lifestyle, health, happiness, home, beliefs and even holidays.  I have seen people achieve the most extraordinary results in all these areas from becoming aware of this, making changes and consciously creating and embracing more meaningful and supportive relationships personally and professionally.

Surround yourself in people who uplift you and inspire you, search for those people, be your own best friend and be open to being loved and showing how much you care for others.  Your health and happiness is determined by these connections, so make it a priority for you today.

Kirsty 🙂

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Are you Mindful to practise Mindfulness?

 


Mindfulness is a form of self-awareness that focuses our attention on the task at hand. – A moment by moment awareness. When we are mindful, our attention is not caught up in the past or future, and we are not judging or rejecting what is occurring at the moment. –  We are present.

This kind of attention creates acceptance, energy, clear-headedness and a feeling of joy.  I have found it is a skill that can be learned and cultivated by anyone.

When you have a mindfulness practise in place some examples of what you will experience are:

  • Having a better relationship with stuff that is happening
  • Being aware
  • Being more flexible
  • Experience a Relaxed state more
  • Not being stuck in the past, fear or worries
  • A Stronger immune system
  • More energy
  • More happiness
  • Management of anxiety and depression
  • Have the skills to overcome overwhelm
  • Creating a positive and calm experience of daily life
  • Paying close attention, on purpose, right now, without judgement in your life.
  • Being in the moment for what it is, not a reaction or prediction.
  • Body Regulation & Better Health
  • Better Communication
  • Emotional Balance
  • Insight
  • Empathy
  • Creativity & Intuition enhanced
  • Resilience
  • Feelings of Stability
  • Kindness & Compassion
  • Non-Reactivity or you Act and not React

Mindfulness has been adapted for use in treatment of depression, especially preventing relapse, anxiety disorders, stress, behaviour problems, interpersonal conflict, confusion, despair and for assisting with mood regulation.

The potential of these mindfulness and acceptance based approaches have bought in a new wave of cognitive behavioural treatments for familiar problems.

Everyday do a mindful ‘self-check’. You only have right now. Use it to its best advantage. Mindfulness trains you to become aware of what is going on inside you and how your inner world of thoughts and feelings are reacting to the events that are taking place in the world around you.

When you develop this kind of awareness, you will be more aware of inner disturbances if they arise, and therefore more able to take steps to maintain a positive outlook if they do.

Often, stress and anxiety build up over a period of time because we are not paying attention to what is going on inside us.

How do your thoughts and words impact how you feel?

How do your emotions unconsciously drive your behaviours?

Without conscious awareness of these subtleties we have very little chance of changing them. With awareness and mindfulness we have the opportunity to determine the amount of happiness and joy in our life. As we become self-aware we have the opportunity to make choices instead of just react from habit or negative emotions.

A quick mindfulness exercise is S.T.O.P.

  • Stop,
  • Take a Breath,
  • Observe what you are feeling and thinking,
  • Proceed and Participate in what is most important.

Be mindful and watch your life expand to become extraordinary.  Kirsty

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